Remembrence
by Atana-Mirtai
Summary: Someone once asked me if Aeryn were to make an attempt to get John back, how would she do it? Written before I Yench, You Yench with spoilers from AHR and Fractures


1 Remembrance  
  
Aeryn Sun slammed her pulse pistol down with a resounding, "Thonk". She had been standing at the counter for almost 500 microts and the fuchsia haired clerk hadn't so much as looked up from changing the color on her frellings nails to even acknowledge she was there. She had been working on her patience lately, she really had, but there were limits.  
  
The clerk jumped at the sound, spoiling a nail and sending her pretty face into a hard-edged pout. She sighed loudly, obviously put out at the interruption of this vital part of her day, put the nail color pen gingerly down and began to swing her chair slowly in Aeryns direction using one perfectly manicured fuchsia toe.  
  
"Welcome to Holo-dreams," She intoned in a voice that somehow managed to sound nasal and robotic at the same time, "Where we make your evvvvrrry fantasy come true. If you can dream it, we can beam it... Riiggght into one of our suites for you." "My name is Tevy how can I help you. Mi...?"  
  
The girl paused, her swinging toe finally having brought her lime green eyes in contact with both the pulse pistol and the expression on Aeryn's face. "Ahhh," she half squeaked and fell silent for two microts.  
  
Aeryn had to give it to her. The Tevy girl was vain and shallow but she wasn't stupid. In those two microts she correctly assessed that krelling off a gun toting Peacekeeper wasn't in her best self interest, affected an attitude change, decided to dispense with the rest of the "mandatory" opening speech and cut right to the chase.  
  
"Name please?" she chirped.  
  
"Sun"  
  
"Uuummm, yes, " Tevy began to flip through a bunch of holo chips in a container in front of her. "Oh here I've got it. Sun, Aeryn. 12 ahrns holo suite 36, Custom Blend. That'll be 3,000 credits." She beamed at Aeryn and held one palm up for the money.  
  
Aeryn sighed and yanked the proffered hand so that the body attached to it slid right up under her nose.  
  
"You were able to comply with my request?" She asked in what she hoped was her most agreeable tone. By the way Tevy's eye's widened with fear, she guessed it wasn't agreeable enough. "Well?" she asked again yanking the arm higher by way of encouragement.  
  
"Uh huh," the girl squeaked. " Your colleague," Her eyes rolled as she grasped for the name, "Joolushka? who sent us the drawings was VERY specific that we should pay attention to both detail and scale." "The tech's said it was easy really, as there was only one scene to reproduce. You should be pleased."  
  
"Umm" Aeryn replied. She placed some credits in the girl's palm and released her. "Here's half now, you'll receive the other half in the morning if I'm pleased with the result." She picked up the chip and set a small paper bag on the counter. "One more thing."  
  
Tevy regarded her sullenly from the far side of the reception area where she'd slunk off to nurse her sore wrist.  
  
"Someone will be joining me. When they get here, give them this bag and the door code. But tell them nothing else. Understand?"  
  
Tevy opened her mouth, but decided (for once) in view of recent events, that silence was golden, shut it again and simply nodded.  
  
Aeryn grabbed her duffel bag; continued up the stairs and down a corridor and stopped in front of suite number 36. She loaded the program chip into the slot next to the door and listened until a soft beep told her it was ready. Her hand shook at she keyed in the code. She still wasn't sure if what she was doing was right and even more afraid that it wouldn't work, but it was too late to turn back now. She allowed her training to push the fear aside and stepped into the room.  
  
The duffel bag dropped to the floor as she spun around slowly in surprise. It was perfect. Just as she remembered. She stopped for a microt listened and a slight smile crossed her face. They had even gotten that right. It had had been a horrifically expensive venture, but so far worth the money.  
  
She unzipped the duffel bag shook out the contents and quickly changed clothes. She frowned a bit when she was done. Her leather PK gear and vest would not do for what she was trying to accomplish, but she couldn't exactly remember when she had worn this old gray exercise tank last. It had to have been cycles. She sniffed, didn't seem like she'd washed it recently either. Oh well., she was going for authenticity here not style.  
  
She restyled her hair, and then began to pace. There was nothing else to do now but wait. And she hated waiting. Waiting meant she had time to think, and she didn't want to think right now. Not about what had happened to her in the past half a cycle, not about.... losing him, not about the suicide mission they were planning to execute in the next three solar days and certainly not about what she was attempting to do now.  
  
She had told Crichten he was stupid for wanting to stop at the pleasure planet for a solar day's leave. They were about to go into battle she'd argued. They should be focused on the task at hand, going over the plan for flaws, coming up with back up contingencies, running execution drills. They had little enough chance of survival she'd raged, without him blowing everyone's concentration by allowing them to go get yotzed on intoxicants and childish games.  
  
But they had all shouted her down,.( well, everyone but Pilot who had made some strange comment to Crichten and D'Argo about the LAST time they had gone down to a pleasure plant, and had been quickly shut up) Even Crais had concurred with John that in view of the stress of the last quarter cycle, the intense training they had all been subjected to and the seriousness of their mission, they needed some time to rest and refocus. They were soldiers, he'd reasoned, the others were not and it was not fair to hold them to the same standard.  
  
"Yeah, Aeryn," Crichten had said taking her lightly by the arm, "A bit of rest... and some space, will do us a world of good." "All of us," he'd amended quickly when he'd seen the expression on her face. " I know you knew the score when you signed on, and I'm.... grateful that you've given me... us your support and your input. But I really think we ought to allow ourselves one last ... good day, before we go all "Into the valley of death rode the 600."  
  
"What 600 Crichten?" she'd snapped sarcastically. "There are 7 of us on this fool plan of yours if you want to count Jool and Rygel and they'll only be good for limited intel." And we're storming a Peacekeeper Command Carrier, not skipping off into some frelling Valley. Now if you want to waste your time and vital energy drinking your fears away and gyrating with some trelk, then please be my guest. But don't start screaming for me when Scorpius is dining on your brain again in three days time."  
  
He hadn't said anything. Just looked at her with pain in his eyes and quietly walked out of the room.  
  
She had run to her quarters, raged blindly for awhile and then collapsed in a heap on her bed. She didn't know why she had reacted the way she did. Screaming fits were more Jool's venture than hers. It was just that he made her so ANGRY. "Stubborn, prideful, intractable, just like" Stop, she told herself. Reckless, selfless, brave, STUPID she thought, just like..... him." "And I'm going to lose you again, aren't I?" She'd whispered. "Just like him."  
  
Tears had overcome her then. And with them came memories, and with the memories came acceptance.  
  
Memories of waking in this very cell, head throbbing body aching and her clearing vision focusing on blue eyes filled with fear and confusion. A hand.. "My name is John."  
  
Memories of that same hand pressed against her flushed face, a promise made through the agony of the heat. "hold on, I won't let it happen."  
  
Memories of a haven on an alien world. Of the slow deliberate mating of their bodies, so different from the rushed, callous encounters of her youth.  
  
Memories of the taste of rain.  
  
Memories of fear twisting in her guts as she limped barefoot across the cold maintenance bay floor. Her heart encased in a small bottle of amber liquid.  
  
Memories of that fear turning to joy as sweet as the taste in her mouth.  
  
Memories of a star with her name.  
  
Memories of pain so great that it threatened her sanity, of eyes that saw no more, her hand against a cooling cheek.  
  
Memories of his face, calm, defiant, decided. Telling them that he knew his destiny.  
  
Memories of her heart telling her she was still his.  
  
"Aeryn."  
  
The knock on the door pulled Aeryn from her reverie. She blinked, it had gotten darker. She opened her mouth then shut it again. She didn't know what to say. She never knew what to say. He was the one who always had the words. Words to soothe, words to calm, words of love.  
  
She wanted to tell him so badly how she felt. How what had happened in her time on board Talyn had changed her. How Xhalax had been right, you lose your loved ones all at once and it tears at you and they can never be replaced. About how she had tried to tie up her pain and carry it in her past. How her past had rejected her, and a message overheard had taught her that life goes on. How he had taught her that loves goes on as well. And that time had taught her that she loved him. And she would be with him and give him her strength forever if he would only forgive and let her.  
  
But she had no words. She had only this illusion to offer. And hope he would somehow know.  
  
"Aeryn?" His voice again at the door, and the sound of the keypad being clumsily punched with one hand. "What's going on? The pink and green chick at the desk gave me two bottles of felip nectar and told me to come up here. She refused to tell me anything else, and she got pale when I mentioned your name. Are you all right in there? Aeryn!"  
  
The door slid open at last and he took two steps into the room.  
  
"I don't.., " he began and then silence.  
  
Aeryn didn't turn around. She stared steadfastly with arms crossed out of the window at the buildings and the sea that made up the skyline of the place he had called Sydney. She wondered if she had remembered something wrong. The color of the cover on the bed, the size of the table, the dimensions of the chair. She wondered if Jool had inadvertently drawn the buildings in reverse order, or if the sound of rain and thunder were to loud or to soft. She wondered if he didn't care.  
  
"Oh baby."  
  
At the sound of the two words spoken barely above a whisper she finally looked up. She could see him reflected in the glass. His face was filled with awe and an emotion she had no name for. He walked towards her slowly, as though if he hurried the room and all its contents would prove to be a dream and disappear.  
  
He placed his hands on her elbows and his forehead on her hair. She kept expecting him to speak, to say SOMETHING, to let her know in some way that he understood what she was trying to tell him. But he didn't, he just stood there holding her lightly.  
  
Finally after several microts he slid his hands to her shoulders, then to her neck, and then she felt his fingers tracing her ears. At last they reached the binding of her hair and slowly, gently worked the knot lose. It cascaded down, covering his hands and his face in an ebony cloud. She turned slowly to him tasting the tears on his face before finding his mouth. And her heart filled as she let herself go where his body was taking her.  
  
  
  
He knew. 


End file.
